Being

Noodles in my mouth,
I randomly changed the channels.
Imaginary images passed and passed out in my mind.
Those which dangled between the boundaries of real and unreal appeared in the T.V.
I heard the dog bark and someone knocked;
My new neighbour for a tea-time chat.
I kept the door partially opened not to let in his huge body,
I feigned a sneeze and two-three coughs to scare him away.
He blinked, and smiled and went away leaving a 'take care'.
In the kitchen I found the dishes clean,
And I wiped the tiny little spot on the dining table.
The bedroom looked tidy with the new bed-spreads and curtains.
Everything was so normal except me.
I dialled the number.
They came with a huge van, an ambulance?
The doors of the asylum closed behind me.
They took me to a dark room
And I saw a dark figure there.
She was so full of grace.
I smiled, she smiled back;
'I'm perfectly normal, doctor', is what she told me.
The next moment she pounced upon me repeating the same words;
I looked away because she carried me in her.

Dead Cockroaches

I
My body was warm inside the blanket. It was raining outside. Thunder shook the windows and lightning sent flashes of light through the cream-coloured curtains. The room smelt of naphthalene balls which I put among my clothes for fear of the cockroaches. I shuddered with the thought of having dissected cockroaches in my twelfth class. The naphthalene smell seemed to change into the stench of dead cockroaches mingled with that of chloroform. Mosquitoes brought me back to my senses. I had forgotten to switch on the mosquito-repellent. I crept from under the blanket. My feet touched the cold floor and I liked the feel of it. I slowly walked towards the outline of the repellent. The repellent glowed red when I switched it on promising me a mosquito free night.

II
My body was warmer inside the blanket. The dawn was already awake. Amma was knocking the door. I didn’t want to part with the blanket. It had almost become a part of my body. When Amma’s knocking turned into banging I threw away the blanket. The floor was cold still. My body shivered refusing to take in the cold. I switched off the mosquito repellent and moved towards the window. There was a dead cockroach lying near the window. I turned my head away from the lifeless form. The cream curtains parted allowing me to open the windows. Birds’ chirping flowed into my room. Some bhajans also pervaded the air from a nearby temple. The peas in Amma’s kitchen garden were gleaming with raindrops. Everything was soaked in rain water. Even the sambar for breakfast seemed flooded with rainwater but was tasty. I swallowed my idli with sambar as I was already late.
III
My body was cold under the chiffon churidar I was wearing. It was raining again. My umbrella failed to protect me from the slanting raindrops. The bus was crowded as usual. Wet bodies were compressed against each other. Sweat and rainwater mixed together and suffocated me. It was a heavy downpour when I reached Kottayam. The town was also crowded with people; people getting into and out of buses, shopkeepers opening shops, students waiting for their friends, cobblers waiting for customers, people going to office and so on. I bought a coffee from a nearby café. It burnt my tongue and my taste buds stopped working. While having the last sip of my coffee my eyes met a dead cockroach in one corner of the café. There was already a procession of ants going to take charge of the dead body. I left the café with a burnt tongue and a sick mind that was full of dead cockroaches.

Awakening

She was lying in the Mahogany coffin when she heard him say, "I am happy that she died." The flowers arranged in the wreaths suffocated her with their fragrance. Her husband had put lilies all around the place. She felt like sneezing. She always hated lilies. And he knew that.

A very familiar scent approached her coffin and she heard a more familiar voice addressing her. "I’m happy that you are dead." She could not stand it any longer. She opened her eyes to scare him.

He smiled and spoke to the lifeless, open-eyed body in a harsh, commanding voice, "You’re dead. And there’s no need to glare like that. I’m glad that you are no more alive. You were such a trouble."

She smiled and replied, "I’m also glad, glad that I’m dead, no more alive. Now I am the master of my own self. I can do whatever I want to without you and those little devils around me. Tell them that mommy is really happy. I know that I’ve gained nothing by losing my life. But at least I’m leaving your damned house. Good Bye."

Her eyes closed and she never opened them again until she heard the alarm. It was already 5.30 in the morning. She got up and rushed to the kitchen. While filling the kettle with water her eyes strayed out through the kitchen window. Night was giving way to the first streaks of dawn. In the midst of the things emerging out of the fading darkness were some lilies with their gaze fixed upon her.

Love Time

Spring came.
I went to the garden to water the roses;
Roses blooming with roses of all colours.
He liked the yellow one, I stuck to the traditional red rose.
''Your tastes are primitive'', he told me.
"Is it?", I asked in my mind and outwardly just smiled.
His arms reached me from behind my waist;
My left cheek felt his unshaved face.
The water-can lost its grip on my right arm,
And fell down with a clunk.

Life in Ruins

I look around me and I find only ruins.
My eyes search among them only to find more ruins;
I see a walking ruin, in front of me, walking towards me.
It's getting closer to me, the ruin.
I see myself now, in the mirror, a ruin alive.
I am the ruin.